Angels in Heaven

I haven't posted in a while. I'm glad that i finally have the effort to do it,lol! Well, this has been a stressful year for me. Me and my hubby have been trying to get pregnant since the beginning of this year. That day finally happened and we were very excited and happy. I saw the heartbeat of my little peanut for the first time and wished my hubby was with me at that moment. I did not have much symptoms except a little sore boobs, that's it. I went for my regular doctor's appointment at 12 weeks and the nurse found no heartbeat. She called the doctor in coz maybe the doppler just not working properly. The doc brought in his ultrasound gadget and he was looking for a heartbeat for about 3 minutes. I still remember the look on his face when he was looking for it. Right there and then i knew something was wrong. I had teh feeling that i lost the baby. They sent us down to the imaging where they have the ultrasound and when we were done we were sent back up at the doc's room. The ultrasound tech did not say if she found a baby or not. My doctor came in and said, " Im so sorry, you've miscarried." I tried not to cry but finally gaved in. I cried. My husband was there with me which was a good thing. The hospital is only a walking distance from the house. We walked back to the house while i was crying. It felt like the longest walk of my life. I was scheduled for a D&C the next day.

Four months later i was pregnant again. I was very happy but my husband didnt look too excited and i cant blame him for that. I hadnt called the doc yet because i had just found out. A week later i had the positive hpt i was spotting. I thought it was only implantation bleeding but i was still very scared. The next morning a very painful cramp woke me up. Right then i knew i was miscarrying again. I got up to go the bathroom and there it was, blood! I went straight back to bed and woke my husband crying and he said, " what's wrong?". I said, "im miscarrying again!". I heard him sigh. He wrapped his arms around me while i was crying and at the same time in pain because i was cramping really bad. I said to him, " we are never gonna have kids!". He said, " yes we will, someday".

I went to see the doctor that day. They check my hormones and it was low. They did an ultrasound and they only found an empty sac. They found fibroids as big as a tennis ball on my uterus. Doctor said it is probably the cause why i was miscarrying. There was not enough blood to supply the embryo. I was somewhat glad to know the cause of the miscarriages i've had. I didnt want to think that it was something i did or my body just cant get pregnant. Im going to have a surgery to get the fibroids removed and i hope after that we wil be able to conceived and have a healthy baby. I pray to God to let that happen. I hope you, my friends, or whoever is reading this right now, will pray for me too. Thank you.